A Fork in the road
Have you ever felt disappointed, or that you missed a chance because you just couldn’t speak up at the right moment? Many opportunities are lost when people can’t find their voice. Speaking up for yourself or about a new idea or way of approaching something, or offering a different perspective on an issue, can be hard. Equally challenging is speaking out when you see a potential problem area, an issue, risk or injustice.
The thing is, it is in these moments – when you struggle to find your voice – that you are actually at a fork in the road. You can either choose to take action through self-expression; finding expansion in yourself and manifesting the life you want. Or, by not expressing yourself, you land up by default ‘choosing’ a more limited restricted path often decided by others and leading to feelings of disempowerment.
Why should i speak up and speak out?
Finding your voice is at the heart of growth and development. When you find a way to speak up or speak out you also claim your power. You feel grounded, substantial, and true to yourself. The more you find your voice the more empowered you’ll feel.
By not expressing yourself you’re not only missing a personal growth opportunity, you’re missing a career growth opportunity too. A company is made up of individuals, the success of the company depends, in large part, on those individuals speaking up and sharing their ideas. Progress therefore is determined by self-expression. It is through voicing your ideas and opinions that you can step up into an active and participatory role and move forward.
why do i find it hard to speak up and speak out?
The moment when you are called to find your voice is complex; you are trying to wrangle what is happening in your body and your mind. It can also bring to the fore childhood experiences and how these informed and shaped your beliefs about the value of your voice and how you were or were not allowed to share your opinion or feelings. Early relationships have a big impact on how and when you express yourself as an adult.
Physically these moments may cause your heart to race and your breathing to become faster, irregular and or shallow. You may feel a constriction in your throat or a tightening in your stomach or diaphragm. You may sweat, lose your balance, or become dizzy. You may shutdown to such an extent that you become disconnected from your body, or numb. Your energy and focus could be scattered, fragmented or completely stuck.
Your mind might race with thoughts – most of them imaginings of the worst case scenario. You may be worried about the response you imagine you’ll get. You may think that you don’t have the authority to voice yourself. You may be scared to challenge authority or fearful that you may not be correct, others may consider you rude or out of your lane. Perhaps your ideas have been dismissed in the past and so you question if it is even worthwhile to speak. You might worry that you’ll feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or ashamed if you are not heard. You may fear that others might feel threatened by you, that you may become isolated, pushed aside, or dismissed as a result.
Equally scary can be the truth that you don’t want to take responsibility for what you have to say, or for your idea being great and it being implemented. Perhaps you don’t want to be the centre of attention. There are 101 reasons you can conjure up to derail yourself from claiming your voice. Almost all of them will leave you less empowered and choosing the default path. Here are a few things you can do for yourself to make voicing yourself easier…
1) What past and future stories are you telling yourself?
Charged moments always trigger old stories, whether you are conscious of it or not. In moments of needing to find your voice you may slip into the story of the child, feeling small or like you do not have the right to speak up – that you need to only speak when spoken to, or that you need to always agree with and follow the authority figure. Do you feel small? Do you want someone else to speak for you, to take responsibility, to tell you what to do or to look after you? Do you feel a lack of courage like the Lion in the Wizard of OZ?
What is the future-focused story you are making up in that moment? Is it that you will be shut down, are you imagining being embarrassed? Do you imagine you may lose your job, respect… and what then?…. and what will happen then? If we amplify by repeating this “what then?” question over and over we often come to: “and then I’ll die.” Anxiety is the misuse of imagination. Try imagining that voicing yourself will lead you into a positive and more empowering story.
2) GROUND YOURSELF
Feel your feet on the ground, keep your knees soft. Take a moment to shift your weight to the front of your feet. Then take your weight to the back/heels. Then shift to the left and lastly to the right. Now find balance, your weight evenly distributed on both feet and a feeling of really connecting your feet with the ground – and your bodyweight connecting to gravity.
3) OPEN UP and EXPAND
Yawn to open your throat and loosen your jaw. Smile to lift your face and your spirit. You’ll be ok.
4) BREATHE WELL
Voice relies on the flow of your breath. During a few breath cycles focus on dropping your inhalation deeper and deeper into your body. As you do this imagine your breath expanding in a 3-dimensional way – in other words, not just moving down but also expanding outwards, breathe broadly on a horizontal plane too.
5) BREATHE LONG
Progressively lengthen the duration of your exhalation and trace the journey of the breath up and out of the body. This up and out direction of the flow of your breath is also the direction of your expressive energy and voice. When you become clear on the direction of the expression from inside, through the vocal tube and out into the world, you can allow for your voice to be carried by your breath, what you have to say stays connected to your Self and it becomes easier to speak up.
YOUR VOICE REALLY DOES MATTER
Developing the courage and ability to voice yourself is a central aspect of personal and career development. Harnessing the various opportunities you are given to find and nurture your Voice is a way to knowing yourself more deeply and a way of cultivating the you you wish to be in the world.
If you’d like to explore this moment of expression more deeply and work through any challenges you may have in regard to speaking up or speaking out, get in touch with me and we can work out a personalised program for you to achieve your goals.