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Let’s Cut To The Chase, EQ Is Embodied Intelligence

The role of the body and voice in developing eq

Over the last two decades there has been an increase in the awareness of the importance of EQ: emotional intelligence, but it seems to me that most people do not realise that emotional intelligence is in fact a body intelligence. The focus is on cognitive and behavioural development, but what is really needed to develop EQ is a deepening connection to and awareness of the body and the voice.

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why start in the body?

Emotions are felt and experienced in and through the body. Nervousness before a presentation or meeting for example, is something we feel in our tummy, or we may sweat more than normal, or our mouth might get dry. When speaking up about something you are unhappy about you may feel your heart beating or feel a shortness of breath, maybe your throat tightens up or your knees feel weak. These physical signals then make their way to your brain telling you that you are no longer 100% comfortable and may not be 100% safe.

 

When we connect to our body we can become aware of the information we are constantly getting from our sensory systems: our interoception, proprioception, and exteroception, and what our senses are telling us about the inside of the body and the outside of the body, and about our body in relation to space and environment and in relation to others in that environment. We rely on this ‘intuition’ to make assessments on how we feel. Understanding this and the changes we feel in our body and in our sense of self, is really the foundation of emotional intelligence. The more disconnected someone is from themselves, their body and their own physical experience of the world, the less emotionally intelligent they will be. Importantly, it is only when we are in tune with our own body and sense of self that we can possibly connect properly with others and be empathetic and compassionate towards them and what they are attempting to express.

 

There is a lot of talk about authenticity – people wanting to lead from a place of authenticity, to be authentic, and so on. Really what is required here is an ever-deepening connection to our own lived experience of our body and its senses and how these impact on our perception of ourselves and on our ability to express ourselves and connect with others in the world.   

WHAT’S THE VOICE GOT TO DO WITH EQ?

Your voice is composed through the co-ordination of hundreds of muscles and ligaments, its production depends almost entirely on your breathing. Your voice is also a mirror of your emotional and psychological state. It is through the sound and nuances of your voice that your emotions are being communicated to your listeners. So when you are unsure of yourself, your voice may wobble or be unsteady. When you are angry, your voice may be louder than normal – this is due to increased air pressure – or, it may have a rough sound to it – we call that disruption. If you are feeling impatient, your speech delivery may be faster and ‘chopped off’ with a harder glottal onset which makes its sound abrupt. These are just a few examples. The old adage, ‘It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it’, points to the voice being at the very centre of communication, and I believe, EQ.

 

When we become aware of the intricacies of our voice and master the production of vocal sound, we can begin to craft our voice consciously in communication so that we may be effective. In addition, when we learn to hear our own voice in technicolour, we are then able to listen to the voices of others in a more educated and conscious way. When we can do this we are able to understand others better, we can understand their emotions and intentions – we can also then respond in the most effective or appropriate way and ultimately be better communicators. If EQ is ultimately about connecting with others more successfully, then we need to develop the channels through which we do this. That is; through our body and its movement and energy, and through our voice with its tone, pace and pitch, its colours and intonation etc. 

HOW CAN I DEVELOP MY EQ?

The Voice 360 Embodied Communication Practice approach helps people to bring these elements of communication into alignment. Through the process we become aware of the interconnectedness of the voice, the body, emotions and the psyche and how they all have an effect on each other. Through this approach we are able to focus on and open up space in each of these areas so that communication is not something accidental but rather coordinated, conscious and emotionally intelligent.  

 

If you would like to master the art of emotional intelligence, connect with me.

Speak Up and Speak Out: 5 Steps to Make it Easier

A Fork in the road

Have you ever felt disappointed, or that you missed a chance because you just couldn’t speak up at the right moment? Many opportunities are lost when people can’t find their voice. Speaking up for yourself or about a new idea or way of approaching something, or offering a different perspective on an issue, can be hard. Equally challenging is speaking out when you see a potential problem area, an issue, risk or injustice.

 

The thing is, it is in these moments – when you struggle to find your voice – that you are actually at a fork in the road. You can either choose to take action through self-expression; finding expansion in yourself and manifesting the life you want. Or, by not expressing yourself, you land up by default ‘choosing’ a more limited restricted path often decided by others and leading to feelings of disempowerment.

 

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Why should i speak up and speak out?

Finding your voice is at the heart of growth and development. When you find a way to speak up or speak out you also claim your power. You feel grounded, substantial, and true to yourself. The more you find your voice the more empowered you’ll feel.

 

By not expressing yourself you’re not only missing a personal growth opportunity, you’re missing a career growth opportunity too. A company is made up of individuals, the success of the company depends, in large part, on those individuals speaking up and sharing their ideas. Progress therefore is determined by self-expression. It is through voicing your ideas and opinions that you can step up into an active and participatory role and move forward.

why do i find it hard to speak up and speak out? 

The moment when you are called to find your voice is complex; you are trying to wrangle what is happening in your body and your mind. It can also bring to the fore childhood experiences and how these informed and shaped your beliefs about the value of your voice and how you were or were not allowed to share your opinion or feelings.  Early relationships have a big impact on how and when you express yourself as an adult.

 

Physically these moments may cause your heart to race and your breathing to become faster, irregular and or shallow. You may feel a constriction in your throat or a tightening in your stomach or diaphragm. You may sweat, lose your balance, or become dizzy. You may shutdown to such an extent that you become disconnected from your body, or numb. Your energy and focus could be scattered, fragmented or completely stuck.

 

Your mind might race with thoughts – most of them imaginings of the worst case scenario. You may be worried about the response you imagine you’ll get. You may think that you don’t have the authority to voice yourself. You may be scared to challenge authority or fearful that you may not be correct, others may consider you rude or out of your lane. Perhaps your ideas have been dismissed in the past and so you question if it is even worthwhile to speak. You might worry that you’ll feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or ashamed if you are not heard. You may fear that others might feel threatened by you, that you may become isolated, pushed aside, or dismissed as a result.

 

Equally scary can be the truth that you don’t want to take responsibility for what you have to say, or for your idea being great and it being implemented. Perhaps you don’t want to be the centre of attention. There are 101 reasons you can conjure up to derail yourself from claiming your voice. Almost all of them will leave you less empowered and choosing the default path. Here are a few things you can do for yourself to make voicing yourself easier…

 

1)  What past and future stories are you telling yourself?

Charged moments always trigger old stories, whether you are conscious of it or not. In moments of needing to find your voice you may slip into the story of the child, feeling small or like you do not have the right to speak up – that you need to only speak when spoken to, or that you need to always agree with and follow the authority figure. Do you feel small? Do you want someone else to speak for you, to take responsibility, to tell you what to do or to look after you? Do you feel a lack of courage like the Lion in the Wizard of OZ?

 

What is the future-focused story you are making up in that moment? Is it that you will be shut down, are you imagining being embarrassed? Do you imagine you may lose your job, respect… and what then?…. and what will happen then? If we amplify by repeating this “what then?” question over and over we often come to: “and then I’ll die.”  Anxiety is the misuse of imagination. Try imagining that voicing yourself will lead you into a positive and more empowering story.  

2) GROUND YOURSELF

Feel your feet on the ground, keep your knees soft. Take a moment to shift your weight to the front of your feet. Then take your weight to the back/heels. Then shift to the left and lastly to the right. Now find balance, your weight evenly distributed on both feet and a feeling of really connecting your feet with the ground – and your bodyweight connecting to gravity.

3) OPEN UP and EXPAND  

Yawn to open your throat and loosen your jaw. Smile to lift your face and your spirit. You’ll be ok.

4) BREATHE WELL

Voice relies on the flow of your breath. During a few breath cycles focus on dropping your inhalation deeper and deeper into your body. As you do this imagine your breath expanding in a 3-dimensional way – in other words, not just moving down but also expanding outwards, breathe broadly on a horizontal plane too. 

5) BREATHE LONG

Progressively lengthen the duration of your exhalation and trace the journey of the breath up and out of the body. This up and out direction of the flow of your breath is also the direction of your expressive energy and voice. When you become clear on the direction of the expression from inside, through the vocal tube and out into the world, you can allow for your voice to be carried by your breath, what you have to say stays connected to your Self and it becomes easier to speak up. 

YOUR VOICE REALLY DOES MATTER 

Developing the courage and ability to voice yourself is a central aspect of personal and career development. Harnessing the various opportunities you are given to find and nurture your Voice is a way to knowing yourself more deeply and a way of cultivating the you you wish to be in the world.

 

If you’d like to explore this moment of expression more deeply and work through any challenges you may have in regard to speaking up or speaking out, get in touch with me and we can work out a personalised program for you to achieve your goals. 

Can Work Be a Happy Place?

My quick answer is, yes, I believe it can.

Let’s explore what truly brings us happiness. It’s not just about material success like a prestigious office or a hefty paycheque, although these can certainly contribute. True happiness stems from a deeper, more profound human experience—a feeling that transcends material possessions and resonates physically within us.

 

Imagine drawing a picture of yourself in a state of happiness. It would likely be vibrant and expansive, filled with bright colours and a sense of outward movement, symbolising growth and connection with others. The strokes would be bold and expressive, reflecting your true Self. Happiness, in essence, involves feeling empowered and fully expressing yourself, as well as being recognised for your unique contributions.

 

In my experience, people are happiest when they have a voice and feel heard.

 

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THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING HEARD

Being heard is a fundamental human need that spans all aspects of life—whether in professional relationships with colleagues and managers, or personal connections with family, partners, and children. This truth extends even into broader socio-political contexts.

 

Consider a time at work when you felt unhappy or upset. Did you feel your voice was truly heard in that situation? If not, how might things have been different if your voice had been acknowledged? Think of someone you know who is currently unhappy—do they have a voice and feel heard in their current circumstances?

THE IMPACT OF SILENCE

When we are unable to voice our thoughts and feelings, we experience a sense of silencing. This leads to physical and energetic constriction, affecting our vocal and breathing patterns. Feeling silenced triggers our nervous system’s fight, flight, or freeze response, causing us to either become defensive or withdraw. Unheard individuals often feel disengaged and unproductive, creating a negative cycle unless opportunities arise for their voices to be heard again.

HOW DOES HAVING A VOICE BRING HAPPINESS?

Physically, having a voice allows our bodies to relax and expand, promoting easier breathing and a sense of calm. Emotionally, it fosters feelings of respect and value, knowing that our contributions matter. Being heard empowers us to connect with others and actively contribute to positive change, thereby shaping our own lives and identities. This sense of agency boosts confidence and enhances emotional intelligence, benefiting both personal and professional relationships.

 

Effective communication involves aligning our inner, relational, and public voices, to create impactful interactions. Nurturing our voices and creating environments where they can be heard transforms workplaces into happier, more productive spaces.

Voice 360’s Embodied Communication Practice

Ultimately, fostering an environment where individuals can freely express themselves and feel genuinely heard enhances not only individual happiness but also organisational success. Through practices like Voice 360’s Embodied Communication approach, companies can empower their employees and cultivate a culture of open communication and mutual respect, leading to sustained growth and fulfilment.